losing face

Is this about the truth?
Or is this about humanity?

It is so much more endearing for a man to trust
when he is surrounded by reasons not to.
(as that is the way of all of the earth)

Can he disregard what is "right"
and see the truth in being moral

Can he bow to do what is just
to everyone and himself
at all times
without the worry of 'losing face'.*

If he cannot then he will never be good.


































* Losing some sort of imaginary game he is playing only with himself.

Dance

I found a light
It dances inside me
with love and colour and sound
Not antmore than i had hoped or wished
but above the stars, quiet and true.
At one with all that has the power to be
spoken yet unspoken in its nature
a rif. a cleft. a divide.
A ripple that slowly disperses
and smooths.
A shine that shines so bright
a warms that warms so true
a noise. a knowledge. a heatbeat.
that brings me back to you.

How long will the world wait until darkness unveils happiness
and all that is shining.
a clear day.

Ulysses

I used to think this was where I belonged. But now I have no idea.

I love this city. I love the sky. I love the fresh breeze in the air that exists in this place. But it is not my promised land.

The land I seek in which i can be free. Free of these complaints and faults. Free of these sufferings. It is not here. And I could roam all of the earth and I fear I would not find it.

I long for the sky and the sun and the mountains and the sea. The excitement of young loves thrill. An embrace that is so true you can do nothing but trust and love. The yearn for a child so beautiful and perfect. A life so fulfilling is surpasses all expectations.

These things cannot be found merely via discrepancies of boarder.

For what do we do? When the adventure is over and we have found it? And that all excitement of the journey has fallen into memory.
For above all, I fear that the constraints of this earth are enough to torment me for as long as I live.

For I want to fight with honour to the end of all time.
And even if these dreams should not be mine and I fail. If I do not pursue that which plagues my mind I shall never know and be forever plagued by sorrow.

I love you, life.
I love you, God.

And I would fight until my darkest hour as I know these feelings I follow are for you. Not for greed, not for malice, not for fear.

All that I ask is that you continue to shine a light for me, and i will follow. Even if that path should change by your will, I will be there if you just let me know.

(L) xx

Not again...

I don't even know why I'm writing this.

Why can't life be simple?
Why are men just like men...
Why can't I just be happy with things the way they are with myself
without doing something that fucks up what I believe in.
I'll never learn.
Always in the same situations.
Please help me....


xxxx

Mozart

My life is like Mozart; so modulated to fuck I don't know where I started from. Ha.
The progressions are so quick and subtle, not just anyone can analyse them,
From the outside no one knows how the fuck you got there.
From the inside it all just happened so smoothly, naturally.
With protégée ability, it must be right.
some of it sounds totally insane, passionate, slow or superfast.
Speeds, currents and geography change constantly.

But always encapsulating this deep serenity of calm technique.
And the fundamental constant; something essentially Mozart.

It is the puppet I created, but once it is written, I cannot deviate from the form.
What happens previously dictates where it can lead.
Once you have started, the ink flows on end.
And when it doesn't, it is the lust to find it again that makes you carry on.
Even more thankful when you do.

People say I am a master of this form, But it isn't mine to own.
I didn't create music, I merely fascinate, and I live to obey her.
I submit myself fully to her, my mistress,
And base my actions on her responses
when it lacks accord, she will let you know.
And you must listen.

To not listen would mean losing her goodwill and guidance.
And that, can only lead to the worst situation imaginable.

But she will always be there to guide you,
you just have to listen.

peace x

Twitter

Actually is the most amazing thing on the planet :D

www.twitter.com/Dinahlady

:) follow me :)


x

Manifesting the ego

10/03/2009
Manifesting the ego

Isn’t it funny,
How everything that you have been opposed to
All your values
All your problems
Come to light
In an ironic pun.
A play on words

a un-discerned meaning
Freud was right
and I didn’t even know it contradicted.

Grammar and the Id

9/3/09

“Who knows whats going on”

I type

And watch the little red and green squiggles appear on the screen

“Whats the point?”

Again, ignorantly highlighting my stupidity.

The third time, and I give up

I search for the setting to turn off spelling and grammar checker but give up the futile mission before I’ve even begun.

Let them laugh at me.

I am lost for words

Narcissism

I’ve been thinking of things to write all week

And now I’m here

Nothing is great or inspiring.

I receive a text from my boyfriend

For my current mood it is inappropriately enthusiastic.

I send a flippant reply, Id hoping he will notice my displeasure with life at this moment in time resulting in many a comforting and complimentary word, superego hoping he won’t.

I pull at my hair and look around this tip of a room. Wishing it would clean itself. I’ve been wishing that for weeks, months. Maybe it’s all my fault?

Ha, I’m torn between tidying, going to sleep to face my dreams, or to sit here idly until its sufficiently late enough for in the morning to wish I’d gone to bed earlier, vow to do so from then onwards, just to break that vow again.

Broken that one a million times.

Maybe if I don’t go to college I could tidy my room.
I think again.
It’s a good excuse, a good loss of 10£ EMA,
But even if I did it won’t happen.
Bad excuse, Bad loss of £10.

Not that I really need the £10 for my meagre self inflicting existence. Ha.

I think of all the things in the room I could throw in the bin
“mastering mosaics” set I got when I was 10 and never used
Part of me wants to use it now, to defy my prior procrastination.
Part of me knows that even if i wanted to that wouldn’t happen.
The other part protests again.
We’ll see.

A pile of old magazines lurks in the corner
“But Maybe I’ll need them next week...”

The fish my dad carved that’s blue tacked to the wall above my bed is calling me to sleep.
Maybe I should go.
I love you.

He didn’t text back.